day dreaming of death

april seven(17)TEENTH, 5678

"it is dangerous to be right in matters 

on which the established authorities are wrong" 

- voltaire

i do believe: that time is irrelevant except for when you're not making it any sort of relevance - like currency - you need it to survive. am i stealing from others when i'm not grinding it out like a desert camel coasting the coarse sand?
sometimes i get nervous. and that's more than okay. with time, practice, and the old feelings linked to memories - i'll be born a star again. 
i felt my soul intertwined in another rebirth today, as i stood in the kitchen of OZ. scared at first, but took a deep breath IN/OUT and, i let yet - another ego: die. i see, again - how eternal we are / even if i struggle with being TOO internal, at times. i know deep down, i'll be able to ART my way through this place. as that is my destiny & purpose in life.

sobriety is P A I N F U L.

sometimes i don't know where to go - or what to do.

i refuse to live SLAVE to ANYTHING
→my OWN THOUGHTS ESPESCIALLY↓

                                 SUBSTANCE HELPS with mind relapse↓

→(and these are my thoughts . . . 

see how FUCKED UP is that?!?!)

april 30, 1234
so, here we go again. it's 3:26 on the clock.

i am alone. in this house.

the mind is a scary thing. why is it so potent?

my mind hasn't known sobriety for quite sometime.

i remember when i was happy.

nothing gives me motivation these days. except substance. that is so sad.

where am i? who am i? WHY am i?

i know the truth

the truth is painful

and has me made me taste

nothing short of bitter.

everything tastes pure bitter.

i am SO mad.

i am so, so, angry & mad.

but, what it really all

comes down to → i'm just sad.

i am so sad that i am sitting here feeling this way, knowing i have the power to change everything: even my THOUGHTS & FEELINGS. yet still - i won't. i choose to stay this way. why do i choose to suffer? why do i make stupid excuses? where does my freedom exist?

bound by shackles and i myself, hold the key. but i won't set myself free. am i destined for a life of agony? i really hope not. i chose to believe in something much greater. have i transformed into a soloist dreamer? or can i find that woman that was both a dreamer + a do-er? right now, i can't even tell the REAL me from the comatose-drug-induced me. hey! question? what the FUCK is sobriety?

is sobriety even real?

am i even real?

is any of this actually R E A L?

feels spongey. and fake. like cake. i seem to love this alter reality. my reality. what IS reality? why am i living in REGRETS, RESETS, & REWINDS?

i wanna fast forward

→to some better times

CAUGHT BETWEEN MULTIPLE WORLDS.
REALITY ON MULTIPLE LEVELS.
I'M TRYING, YET STILL IT FEELS LIKE I'M DYING...

BUT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE SOMEHOW: I'M THRIVING? (what DA FUQ?!)

may sec2ond, 4321

everything, FINALLY, just got too serious. too out of control. in all honesty → i don't think i ever really took the last 9 months as seriously as i should have. shooting up? trafficking of all sorts? and i mean, all sorts. NOT doing what needs to be done... avoiding the inevitable. getting SO close - then having to learn these lessons all over again, just in different forms - some more harsh than others. 

after san francisco everything went into the gutter. well: it's time to change ALL OF THAT!

so, i'm devising a few things. plans and ideas! things that MUST happen. and my plan of attack, will go down in the brown journal. i'm about to motha fuckin kill it, i swear! :) <3

© by the gypsies travels

note to self

NOTE TO SELF:

number #8 already HIT - so what happens when your numbeR ni9ne gets pulled?

wonderLand's chesire cat told me the tales: after eigh8t. . .

the D R E A M E R S lose

(&and we both know you're better than those six6 feet under)

so i'm going to just sit back & watch the show
as i keep it moving: forward
steady stream __ balance beam / dreamer

© by the gypsies travels

trapped in the basis of all creation

i'm going for something a bit different here. traveling outside my castle of comfort :)

my mind is unique. perplexing. conceptualize a chalice, one consumed with a plethora of thoughts that can steady stream make you beam yet, still make you bleed. i tend to get trapped in these thoughts. an alchemistic place of redoubt, (no doubt) is: myself being caught up in the things i know the things (i think) i know, the situations i've been involved in and/or been a witness to, and holding onto pain and suffering while at the same time consciously knowing it's that TIME... to LET/IT/GO. this past week has been filled with less than momentous occasions of contemplation.

i've been capsized by a sea of self this past week, and if there is one thing i can't stand it's sacking the FUCK up and looking IN THE MIRROR. it's so much easier SAID than DONE. it's funny though (irony - which i've decided is a gift in life); the harder i concentrate and fixate on what lies within i can surely feel a sense of majesty arising. and when i look back at the reflection i can see it: the stage of beauty, truth and eloquence stands before me.

for the real & the restless: some superhero shit is on deck, stimulating the brink of danger and diplomatic destruction. here's some "thegypsiestravels keeping it real for today" ish for you: it's so exhausting trying to avoid drama & please everyone. as a LIBRA (and pretty much just ME in general as a unique INDIVIDUAL), i struggle at every moment of EVERY day trying to find balance for all, and avoid conflict. however, the truth is the truth and the inevitable well, is the inevitable. so, take it or leave it. you want truth? i was born with a natural ability to irritate. so, i've decided to take THAT and turn it into something positive that i can use for personal & spiritual growth. a place of love, peace, and uniqueness WITH craziness, testing limits, and open mindedness. a balance of happiness & acceptance leaving myself & all those surrounding me with profound truth! preach? don't mind if i do!

something i wish i knew at a young age: if you can penetrate the hearts, minds, and skin of others - than that is something you should NEVER deny. use it for GOOD. think of it as your LEGACY. because, that: it is.

"we are all visitors to this time, this place. we are just passing through. our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love... and then we return home"

ladies & gents: welcome to the circus
...these, are the travels♥

© by the gypsies travels

the jokers & the aristocrats

what if i just got on this
reputation
a n d changed it
patience is busting me open
rejuvenation
cones of vibrations bring
penetration
to the mind, sending flight
always craving to be in the zone
putting down the want for once...
and wait? what was that?
oh - here we go.. snap me right the fuck BACK
to all my previous lives / remaining BY retaining

s h o w  m e

o p e n  the skies

l o v e  is always posted on my right ear

listening for the sounds of eternity

bliss and no restraint

grains of sand don't accumulate

s t a r staring

craving the black sky

bring the light out of the dark / 

i heard this old man say once: paradise is among us

and yes / i do find solitude in little cryptic l o v e notes

matrix symmetrical

auxiliaries  are coded

you gave me a question _ r e d  OR  b l u e ?

i swallowed my pride whole 

& said, fuck it/grabbed both - i'll take TWO

p u r p l e

mix & swish with your tongue 

NEVER CHOOSE

if you want it all - then you already have it all

that's the state of mind we need

in order to proceed

using all sacred gifts to 

S T O P

each  and every 

D N A nosebleed

S U N S H I N E  S U M M E R  T I M E

i always THROW IT BACK every time i catch it

piece by piece / note by note / string by string /

there's the vica

then there's the versa 

of HEAVEN

and oh, HELLLLLo

saw the rat grab the cheese

got caught in a trap!

surprisingly made me hungry

S O

let the BUTTER meet the KNIFE

and just lean back

as we MELT into one another

rise up / let's TOAST +2013 

b e c a u s e(all that 2012) f o r c i n g

is naturally . . . a thing of the past

i'll leave you with this:
destruction and betrayal/petals posted to stems
M O O N  L I G H T  V O R T E X_ rest in peace 
m y  l o v e  /  m y  s e c r e t   g a r d e n
i'll be sure to wink at you as i'm pulling you up
from way the fuck down there
afterall, it was someone else that told me: 
i was the rose that grew straight from concrete

crazy ♀ beautiful

it's been too long. 
and a long time coming.
something in the air tonight accentuates an eerie essence to my safe haven.
a regular abstract would try to diagnose this as possibly being:

B L O O D  O N  T H E  M O O N 

but being an abstract myself (& a damn good one at that)
i already know♀
yes: something is transpiring . . .

. . . however, that↑ = it is not 

if you look up at the sky, the moon is absent / out for another game of _ catch me if you can
& the stars; well, they are tucked away in the blankets of safety
brought by silk linen & satin sheets
both the moon, and the stars are mystified and + missing in the abyss of the fog

and so, it is what it is:

evident: the unclear has overthrown the skies here at home.
as i walk around outside i'm very keen to my senses. this f e e l s different. unfamiliar. i find myself constantly checking over my left shoulder, then my right shoulder / like i'm waiting for something to grab ahold of me. i stop. my music penetrates my brain & lights up each and every blood filled vain within. i'm so alive & dancing in the streets. it's obvious to me what's happening. it's not that i'm waiting for something. no. i'm actually. . . searching for something.
transparent: a presence that feels neither good nor bad.

i like love
M U S I C +
COMEBACKS
& S H O W D O W N S↓

... get your fix with T H I S MUSICAL ♪I S H: done by a near and dear friend of mine 

it penetrates the brain with (sexy + sultry) noted bullets ♪

leave the proofed vests off, and come bleed with the musiiiiic / trapped OUT & tapped UP 

love you all, xo

© by the gypsies travels

secret santas, mad hatters & bad girls

still, let's smile everyday people's♥

merrrrrry christm@$

kiss → her like you (?) mean it

my poetry grime (ph)4___chapter 2012

#AMEN

we represent the sounds of the un+derground 

that: f i l t h y animal music

© by the gypsies travels